I’m the kind of person that can’t get over things until I write it down somewhere and get all the emotional turmoil out of my system. So, please, let me apologize ahead of time for the clusterfuck you are about to endure.

I’m pretty fucking awesome.

-and I’m not just saying that because I’m me, because if I were someone else I’d love me too. I really can’t see any reason why people wouldn’t want to know me or be around me and be my friend or lover besides the fact that I’m overly overweight. Yeah, I’m fat, but I have a cute face and I’m fun, sweet, generous, and I don’t like to argue and I’m not a clingy kind of guy. All I expect is that you make an effort and check up on me and say hi or have a ten minute conversation with me at least once a day. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. So, why have I not yet found someone who is willing to give me a shot? Is it because they’re afraid that they could probably end up in a real, secure, relationship with me? Is that why they keep running to other people who are immature, slutty, self centered, and dumb as shit because they know they won’t have to put up with them for long?

My friends and other people always think I have such a great love life because I go on tons of dates and I’m always talking to some guy, but I don’t call that a love life. That’s a sad life. Why the hell am I talking to a different guy every week? Why do I have to go through the feeling of being rejected every other day? Why do I get all these guys who LOVE talking to me, LOVE being around me, LOVE introducing me to their friends, LOVE touching me, LOVE kissing me, and LOVE fucking me, but don’t LOVE the idea of being in a committed relationship with me. Then they use the excuse that they are not into relationships and they just wanna have fun, but then a month later they are in happy relationship with someone else.

I just don’t get it and I don’t understand, and I know I’m not meant to, but it just sucks…and sometimes, like a person who is bad at performing oral sex, it sucks too hard and it hurts.